So interesting! I already do several of these things because I had a sense that the perfect sleep environment was ultimately unhelpful (and also I didn’t want to be chained to it). I’m definitely going to work in the others if I can.
Also, while reading, I thought of my husband (who had a “normal” late 80s/90s upbringing) and myself (who co-slept and then shared a room with my sister until I was about 10): while I struggle to sleep in very cold or very hot rooms, my husband is way more sensitive to the sleep environment, and also struggles with insomnia more.
Fascinating! I shared a room with my three siblings until we all left home. We have a family history of "parasomnias" - for us, sleep talking. I can sleep through conversations no problem! :D
Another really thought-provoking article, thank you. So much of the advice about helping baby to sleep is about having the same predictable routine. It makes sense then that their sleep might be affected when they're on holiday or something else disrupts the regimented routine. My baby loves to sleep in a noisy cafe! I've removed one of the pillows from my own bed, i did have 2 and had begun to think it wasn't helping my forward head posture; might ditch the second!
Millennials and gen z definitely provide more comfortable sleeping environments than their parents, and I think two things are at play with our obsession with white noise machines and blackout curtains:
1. Avoiding the "bad habbit" of breastfeeding to sleep in infancy, thus requiring the perfect environment to set them down "drowsy but awake". Millennials are not comfortable with leaving their crying children alone to figure it out, but also not comfortable bedsharing and breastfeedjng to sleep, creating an enourmas pressure to curate the perfect bedtime.
2. The expectation that one parent do 90% of the childcare, and that the children are played with during 100% of their waking hours. Our parents created time for themselves by yelling at the kids to go away. This is not fashionable. But, dealing with the disconfort of having someone small and unhelpful help with the laundry every single time is also not the cultural expectation. (And you have written about how WEIRD house designs plays into child incompetency!) If someone is waiting for nap time to do their own chores or even getting an entire degree after bedtime, they will have unrealistic expectations for how long their kids sleep, especially how long they sleep without snuggles, and become more focused on curating a sleeping environment.
Really interesting read. I found the part on natural filtering as a child really interesting. I've often wondered how my kids don't wake when moving them between car and bed. I remember being told by a friend to make sure if a kid falls asleep on the floor get the hoover (vacuum) out to make as much noise as possible. Following this, I think I'm about to remove pillows from their beds and move them into a room together! Thank you.
I did a loooot of camping with my family. We were three children and while we were small enough we slept the five of us in the same tent on a thin inflated mattress. We just got the best sleep. To this day, sleeping in a tent automatically brings feelings of cosyness and comfort to me. The small round hut, the hard floor, the sounds of nature, the people sleeping next to you, it is just so much better, and like watching a fire, I think it activates something deep in us.
On the other hand when I stayed with a Jamaican family, the bar next door played music so loud it shook the walls of the house. The whole life there was SO noisy: cars, children, goats, musics, crickets, TV, cooking etc. Never thought about the concept of filters but there if you had no filters, it'd have been impossible to sleep. I wish someone had knocked me on the head to pass out haha
I have such fond memories of camping with all of my siblings too!
And so interesting about the noise levels and filtering too. As a student, I lived above a guy who was an only child and lived in a huge house, and he complained about how heavily I walked in my room. TBF, I think he had a fair point (though I was quite insulted at the time :D) so I did start walking more lightly. But it was clear that he had no noise filters while he slept!
Eventually I realised that in WEIRD country, we tend respect people's right to their silence, whereas in others place it's the contrary : people respect your rights to be noisy. I'd be sleeping in a shared room and in the middle of the night my roomate from Ecuador would start watching a movie without headphones, which to me was astounding. Or video calls with family full blast. Music on the speakers at all hours. The general level of music and noisiness was 10x what I was used to.
I really enjoyed this. Also couldn’t help but see the parallel to the power struggles that are the “norm” in western parenting culture. Sleep struggles, eating struggles, struggles with transition from one thing to the next, the list goes on. It also confronts the narratives of, “well some kids are just picky” (whether that’s eaters or sleepers or both) and for me, helps me ask myself how much of the pickiness or power struggles I face in parenting are more about ME than them. Sleeping has been so much easier with co sleeping, and I suffered the consequences of trying to get my first baby swaddled and in a bassinet the first few months of his life. I worked at a hospital at the time and co sleeping was a huge no-no. Cut to de-programming that BS and my feet never touched the floor at night with my second and third babies- ensuring all of us getting way more sleep. Loved this read, look forward to diving more into your work.
Absolutely! I also tried so hard never to breastfeed my first two to sleep, to put them in a cot, and then with my third, I did all of those things and was so much happier. I really enjoyed snuggling in bed with her (which set us up well for sharing a hammock for months!). It's so easy to follow the accepted recommendations without understanding the tradeoffs that they come with...
Also, slight tangent...does breast milk have an effect on sleepiness beyond comfort. I.e. would milk expressed in the morning, but given at night time be stimulating?
Yes! It totally does (which is so cool!) if you’re pumping you should put the time of day on your milk bag so you can try to use it at a similar time in the future.
So interesting! I already do several of these things because I had a sense that the perfect sleep environment was ultimately unhelpful (and also I didn’t want to be chained to it). I’m definitely going to work in the others if I can.
Also, while reading, I thought of my husband (who had a “normal” late 80s/90s upbringing) and myself (who co-slept and then shared a room with my sister until I was about 10): while I struggle to sleep in very cold or very hot rooms, my husband is way more sensitive to the sleep environment, and also struggles with insomnia more.
Fascinating! I shared a room with my three siblings until we all left home. We have a family history of "parasomnias" - for us, sleep talking. I can sleep through conversations no problem! :D
Another really thought-provoking article, thank you. So much of the advice about helping baby to sleep is about having the same predictable routine. It makes sense then that their sleep might be affected when they're on holiday or something else disrupts the regimented routine. My baby loves to sleep in a noisy cafe! I've removed one of the pillows from my own bed, i did have 2 and had begun to think it wasn't helping my forward head posture; might ditch the second!
Millennials and gen z definitely provide more comfortable sleeping environments than their parents, and I think two things are at play with our obsession with white noise machines and blackout curtains:
1. Avoiding the "bad habbit" of breastfeeding to sleep in infancy, thus requiring the perfect environment to set them down "drowsy but awake". Millennials are not comfortable with leaving their crying children alone to figure it out, but also not comfortable bedsharing and breastfeedjng to sleep, creating an enourmas pressure to curate the perfect bedtime.
2. The expectation that one parent do 90% of the childcare, and that the children are played with during 100% of their waking hours. Our parents created time for themselves by yelling at the kids to go away. This is not fashionable. But, dealing with the disconfort of having someone small and unhelpful help with the laundry every single time is also not the cultural expectation. (And you have written about how WEIRD house designs plays into child incompetency!) If someone is waiting for nap time to do their own chores or even getting an entire degree after bedtime, they will have unrealistic expectations for how long their kids sleep, especially how long they sleep without snuggles, and become more focused on curating a sleeping environment.
Fascinating - I hadn't thought about either of those pieces! Thank you so much for sharing!
Really interesting read. I found the part on natural filtering as a child really interesting. I've often wondered how my kids don't wake when moving them between car and bed. I remember being told by a friend to make sure if a kid falls asleep on the floor get the hoover (vacuum) out to make as much noise as possible. Following this, I think I'm about to remove pillows from their beds and move them into a room together! Thank you.
I did a loooot of camping with my family. We were three children and while we were small enough we slept the five of us in the same tent on a thin inflated mattress. We just got the best sleep. To this day, sleeping in a tent automatically brings feelings of cosyness and comfort to me. The small round hut, the hard floor, the sounds of nature, the people sleeping next to you, it is just so much better, and like watching a fire, I think it activates something deep in us.
On the other hand when I stayed with a Jamaican family, the bar next door played music so loud it shook the walls of the house. The whole life there was SO noisy: cars, children, goats, musics, crickets, TV, cooking etc. Never thought about the concept of filters but there if you had no filters, it'd have been impossible to sleep. I wish someone had knocked me on the head to pass out haha
I have such fond memories of camping with all of my siblings too!
And so interesting about the noise levels and filtering too. As a student, I lived above a guy who was an only child and lived in a huge house, and he complained about how heavily I walked in my room. TBF, I think he had a fair point (though I was quite insulted at the time :D) so I did start walking more lightly. But it was clear that he had no noise filters while he slept!
Eventually I realised that in WEIRD country, we tend respect people's right to their silence, whereas in others place it's the contrary : people respect your rights to be noisy. I'd be sleeping in a shared room and in the middle of the night my roomate from Ecuador would start watching a movie without headphones, which to me was astounding. Or video calls with family full blast. Music on the speakers at all hours. The general level of music and noisiness was 10x what I was used to.
I really enjoyed this. Also couldn’t help but see the parallel to the power struggles that are the “norm” in western parenting culture. Sleep struggles, eating struggles, struggles with transition from one thing to the next, the list goes on. It also confronts the narratives of, “well some kids are just picky” (whether that’s eaters or sleepers or both) and for me, helps me ask myself how much of the pickiness or power struggles I face in parenting are more about ME than them. Sleeping has been so much easier with co sleeping, and I suffered the consequences of trying to get my first baby swaddled and in a bassinet the first few months of his life. I worked at a hospital at the time and co sleeping was a huge no-no. Cut to de-programming that BS and my feet never touched the floor at night with my second and third babies- ensuring all of us getting way more sleep. Loved this read, look forward to diving more into your work.
Absolutely! I also tried so hard never to breastfeed my first two to sleep, to put them in a cot, and then with my third, I did all of those things and was so much happier. I really enjoyed snuggling in bed with her (which set us up well for sharing a hammock for months!). It's so easy to follow the accepted recommendations without understanding the tradeoffs that they come with...
Also, slight tangent...does breast milk have an effect on sleepiness beyond comfort. I.e. would milk expressed in the morning, but given at night time be stimulating?
Yes! It totally does (which is so cool!) if you’re pumping you should put the time of day on your milk bag so you can try to use it at a similar time in the future.
So cool! Thank you for this tip! I never pumped enough to fill a bag so was always topping up with small amounts, so never had to think about it! :)
Biology is SO COOL!